I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I stole a fireplace last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
