Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
