So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
