I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
