saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
accomplished twins. life is a go
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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