We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
