Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
