A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
