omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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