I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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