Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
