I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
