If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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