This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
