Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize