i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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