puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
