i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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