Swine flu. Run for my life!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
