laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
