is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
