I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
