why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize