so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
