She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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