Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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