I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
