I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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