I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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