Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
