8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
