dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
