WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
