I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
