I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
