i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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