Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
