There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
