I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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