i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
