So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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