I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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