He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
