drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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