You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
