I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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