The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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