I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
