Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He better not be in your backpack
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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