your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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