True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
