Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
