Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize