He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
