there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
