you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
