Apparently you make a good broom.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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