allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
