I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
