you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
