oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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