dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
