we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
